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A Hero’s Quest

Joey Aiello ’17 It’s 10pm on a Saturday night and he is on a quest for two things: to consume alcohol and to get laid. If he fails to achieve the latter he will become aggressive and seek to do more of the former. He stands outside his boy’s dorm building wearing boat shoes, khaki chino shorts, and his “I ... Read More »

My Sense of Dignity, My Sense of Pride.

Introducing our newest writer: Kiley McMahon ’20 Portfolio Staff I followed him home that day, The thunder striking all around me, Zeus abusing his power over the skies in every which way. We ventured off towards the cliff of the mountain, The rivers flowing flawlessly to each end of my peripheral vision. I sank into the crux of my warmed ... Read More »


by Chrsitie Smith ’17 Portfolio Staff I’m going to paint a picture, one of complete desperation. I really think it’s going to resonate with you. Imagine the moment when you’ve procrastinated so spectacularly that you must now choose between adopting acute panic or complete indifference. Some slough off their impending failure with a shrug of the shoulders (“I’ll never need ... Read More »

An Open Letter to Gymnastics

by Sam Pellman ’20 Portfolio Staff I’m not one to talk up gymnastics, or to tell you I love it with all my heart. In fact, I’ll tell you I hate it. I’ll complain about its difficulty, the stress, and the pain that comes with it. It wasn’t until this one moment, a moment that hit me all at once. Here ... Read More »

It’s Still Happening

by Matt Farrell ’17 Portfolio Staff Movements push through closed minds, Walls put up, tear down.  For hate is easy, It takes effort to love. I’ve seen tears burst through floodgates With fear leading the brigade. I’ve seen others smug My words of advice: be sincere in kindness. Speak with a heavy heart, You love the cause, now see the ... Read More »


Courses We Wish Were Offered  Crying 102* Advanced Napping Physics of the Tunnels How To Survive on $2 and Microwavable Food Marvel Cinematic Universe Colloquium Making Dad Proud 380 How to Afford to Go Here The Magic, Mystery, and Art of Mimes Paul Rudd Seminar 480 Physics of Fitting in an Aquinas Double Sword Fighting 101 DWC: The Age of ... Read More »

Tiffany and Earl

Dearest Tiffany and Earl, How do I deflect the dreaded, yet inevitable, “what are your plans for after graduation?” question this Thanksgiving? Sincerely, Senyahs Dear Scared Seniors, Talk about politics. I know that sounds insane because politics is the last possible thing in the world that you want to discuss with your family right now, but  isn’t explaining to your ... Read More »

Tiffany and Earl

Dearest Tiffany and Earl, How do I register for my classes? Sincerely, The Entirety of the Freshman Class Dear Frosh, Have you ever seen The Hunger Games? If not, you’re seriously behind on both your pop culture and your knowledge on how registration works. On the day of registration, you and the rest of the poor souls who weren’t allowed ... Read More »