Dear Tiff and Earl,
My boyfriend is cheating on me with my best friend— what do I do? On the one hand I love my boyfriend and I love my best friend, but on the other hand I want to murder them both. I am very conflicted.
The so-called “girlfriend”
Go with your instinct… and by that I mean murder them.* They both wronged you and you cannot let that go unpunished. You may be asking yourself, “But Earl, doesn’t a double murder seem a little harsh?” Yes, it is harsh, but if the glove fits, wear it.
Sadly, the U.S. justice system won’t see it that way. You’ll have to change your name, maybe disguise yourself as a man for a few years, and you’ll definitely have to move to Thailand, likely for the rest of your life. Murder is very illegal.
*Disclaimer: Earl is not pro-murder, in all circumstances